《戴森球计划》英文翻译勘误（三）

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勘误的标准：语法错误，搭配不当，表意不明，中英文内容有出入，typo（拼写错误）偶尔列出但不作为主要内容，并穿插部分可以改进的地方。此外，界面、UI文字建议全部大写。
话不多说，今天继续，内容包括游戏内部分向导文字。

摘抄：
This is Icarus, a lightweight industrial mecha with powerful functionality. You can use the [Direction keys] or [Right-click] on the destination to control its movement. In this mission, you will manipulate Icarus to travel beyond the stars and create miracles.
第一句的错误很典型，中文的“功能强大”对应到英文，一个powerful就够了，functionality是多余的。同样，类似语境下的powerful翻译成中文时，最好也补充说明一下是什么强大。第二句的改进思路也类似，中文的“控制移动”对应到英文，一个movements就够了。
此外，方向键一般是Arrow Keys，很少有用Direction keys的。鼠标右键则应该是名词Right Moust Button或是缩写RMB，而不应该写成动词Right-click。最后一句则有点飘忽不定，mission一般指很小的任务，比如RPG里帮NPC送东西那种级别的，但结尾的beyond the stars and create miracles又很宏大。如果要准确表达中文希望表达的意思，最好把最后一句彻底重构。
修改之后的这段话应该是：
This is Icarus, a powerful, lightweight industrial mecha. Use [Arrow Keys] or [RMB] for its movements. Icarus will be your trusted companion throughout this miraculous journey beyond the stars.

内容很密集的一张图，我们一段一段看。
In the future, human beings enter the ranks of advanced civilizations, and the power of science and technology brings rapid development. People use virtual reality to iterate space and time, create a virtual universe much larger than the real world, and gradually transfer human consciousness to the virtual universe.
第一句话又过于直译了。首先，中文“人类进入/迈入高级文明”似乎还能理解，英文则根本不通，因为human being是物种，advanced civilization则是一个标准、概念。后半句的and也完全可以去掉。
第二句的中文“迭代”和英文iterate都是在乱写，虚拟现实只是制造了另一个类似的时空，而并没有对现实的时空进行“迭代”。即使接受这个设定，虚拟现实也是“迭代时空”的产物，而不是手段。第二句后半句又萌萌地指代不明了，意思也变成了“用虚拟现实（做工具）逐渐转移意识”。
修改后的这段话应该是：
Future (or Year XXXX), as we evolve into an advanced civilization, science and technologies fuel rapid development. We create space and time parallel to our own, a virtual universe much bigger than the actual one, and gradually transfer our consciousnesses into this universe.
第二段话：
The operation of the virtual world requires supercomputing power. For this reason, human beings circle the sun and create a supercomputer, the CentreBrain, hoping to use its powerful computing power to expand the virtual home. The computing power of the CentreBrain gradually reaches its limit because the number of consciousness continues to grow. If want to accommodate more consciousness, it needs more energy supply. So, the COSMO launched an engineering project code-named Dyson Sphere Program, sending engineers to the real world to build the Dyson sphere to provide continuous and stable energy for the CentreBrain. As a member of COSMO and the pioneer of the Dyson Sphere Program, you will control the mecha on an unknown journey by using the terminal. You need gather resources, plan and design production lines, gradually realize full automation, starting from scratch. And transform your factory from a small workshop, developing into a magnificent inter-galactic industrial empire, and finally built a great miracle, the Dyson Sphere.
第一句里中文“强大的计算能力”翻成supercomputing power不太妥当，因为现在人类已经有supercomputing power了，实际需要的是更加强大的算力。如果要修改的话，可以玩一个小文字游戏，用astronomical来形容大量的算力。第二句的circle表示绕圈的动作，而“绕圈”建造最好用around。同样，supercomputer最好也换个说法，因为现在就已经有supercomputer了，更强大的计算机需要更新的词汇。从准确性的角度考虑，第三句的because最好换成as。另外英文的前半句是多余的，“主脑”到达极限就够了，大家肯定知道是算力到极限了。第四句看不明白，可能翻译还没睡醒。条件状语从句没有主语，后半句more energy就够了，supply是多余的。
第五句（第一个COSMO）的前半部分完全是多余的，只要说launches the Dyson Sphere Program就够了，后面的解释完全可以表达清楚“工程项目”这个意思。后半句的energy后面又是最需要加supply的，这里又给漏掉了。第六句（第二个COSMO）前半句又一次出现，不多说了。后半句还是不知所云。中文的“控制机甲踏上旅程”，英文把“踏上”丢掉了，然后又用一个灵性的by把整个句子弄得不伦不类（乱用by的恶果详见结尾视频）。
第七句的翻译似乎又睡着了。首先是need后面的to丢掉了，实现自动化也不能机械地翻成“realize full automation”，而且都实现自动化了，为什么后面又要starting from scratch？第八句（最后一句）也是莫名其妙，连主语都没有，开头一个And是跟哪里连接的？如果要用transform sth. into sth.就老老实实地用这个词组，不要用到一半觉得意思不够强行插入一个developing，这样不但不伦不类，句子也会让人看得莫名其妙。此外，跨星系和戴森球的先后顺序是怎样的？先戴森球，后跨星系吗？最后，专有名词“主脑”为什么用了英式拼写Centre？其他单词可都是用的美式拼写。
修改后的这段话应该是：
This virtual universe runs on astronomical computing power. Thus, we human beings build an ultra-supercomputer around the sun, the CentreBrain, to further expand the horizon of this virtual universe. However, even the CentreBrain soon reaches its limit for want of more energy. To accommodate more consciousnesses in the CentreBrain, COSMO launched the Dyson Sphere Program, sending engineers to outer space, and building Dyson Spheres as constant energy sources for the CentreBrain. As a member of COSMO and a pioneer of the Dyson Sphere Program, you will be navigating your mecha with your terminal into unchartered territory. Starting from scratch, you will be harnessing resources, building production lines, and achieving full automation, turning your workshop into an intergalactic industrial empire, a magnificent miracle, a Dyson Sphere.
本期最后一段！摘抄：
Builders of great civilizations! In this process, you are bound to encounter many difficulties. After all, the universe is so large that anything can happen. However, your creativity and imagination will help you accomplish this great goal. The entire cluster will become the cornerstone of human civilization under your plan.
开头结尾一起看。结尾说你建造的戴森球只是人类文明的基石，那你怎么成为开头建造great civilizations的人呢？后面的内容实在太像英语考试作文了，可以少用一些明显的转折词，试着把逻辑关系隐藏在句子里。似乎最好的修改方法，就是提取一点点核心理念（鼓励玩家），然后彻底重写这段。
修改后的这段话可以是：
Engineer of the highest order! In our vast universe, your journey will not be without hurdles. Let your creativity and imagination be your guide. Transform the galaxy into a cornerstone for our civilization under your supervision.
这期勘误就到这里了。没想到这期又出现了一个灵性的by搅乱整个句子的情况，就像NeverKnowsBest这段视频里说的一样：
坏消息：第一批截图可能还要两三期才能写完。
大家下期再见！